Pain Is Inevitable. Suffering Doesn’t Have to Be.

How mindfulness can help reduce suffering and fear when you’re living with chronic pain or chronic illness

In chronic illness, and honestly in life, pain is inevitable.

I wish I had a softer way to say that. I don’t.

Bodies hurt. They get inflamed. They malfunction. They surprise us in ways we didn’t plan for. No amount of positive thinking or “doing everything right” grants immunity from pain.

But suffering is something else.

Suffering is what gets layered on top of pain, and that part, at least sometimes, is where we have a little room to breathe.

Let me explain.

The scraped knee that taught me about pain perception

When I was a kid, I’d occasionally fall and scrape my knee. It would sting, sure, but most of the time I’d brush it off and keep going.

That is, until I looked down.

If I saw blood, everything changed.

My stomach would drop. My chest would tighten. My thoughts would start racing. Suddenly the pain felt sharper, louder, harder to tolerate.

Nothing about the injury had changed in that moment. What changed was me.

Fear stepped in and turned the volume up.

I didn’t have language for it then, but I was experiencing the difference between pain and suffering.

Pain was the scraped knee. Suffering was the fear, the story, the alarm going off in my body.

Chronic pain does this too (just more subtly)

Living with chronic illness, I see this pattern all the time, in myself and in the people I support.

Pain shows up, and then almost immediately the mind goes to work:

• “Is this the start of a flare?”

• “What if this doesn’t calm down?”

• “I thought I was doing better.”

• “What does this mean for tomorrow?”

None of these thoughts are wrong. They make sense. They are often trying to protect us.

But they also signal danger to the nervous system.

And when the body feels unsafe, it tightens. It braces. It becomes more sensitive. Pain often feels worse, not because the condition has changed, but because fear is now part of the experience.

This is where mindfulness quietly enters the picture.

What mindfulness does and doesn’t do

Mindfulness does not make pain disappear.

It doesn’t override your diagnosis. It doesn’t fix inflammation. It doesn’t mean you’re “failing” if you still hurt.

What it can do is help separate pain from the extra suffering we add on top of it.

It gives us a way to notice what’s happening without immediately going into alarm mode.

Less panic. Less bracing. Less “oh no, here we go again.”

Not zero pain. But often, less overwhelm.

An important note about pain levels

Mindfulness tends to be most helpful for mild to moderate pain.

If you’re in severe pain, simple mindfulness practices may not touch it, and that is not a personal failing. Severe pain often requires more advanced tools and support such as specialized pain psychology approaches and medical care.

This post is not about pushing through or using mindfulness to ignore pain that needs care.

It’s about having something gentle and accessible when pain is present and you want to reduce how much it runs your nervous system.

Mindfulness practices you can try right now

You don’t need a cushion, a timer, or the “right” mindset.

Think small. Think doable.

1. Three slow breaths

This is often where I start, especially on hard days.

Inhale through your nose. Exhale slowly, like you’re letting something drop.

Do that three times.

On the last exhale, you might quietly say:

• “I’m here.”

• “This is hard.”

• “I’m okay enough right now.”

  
  

Nothing fancy. Just a pause.

2. Name what’s here

When pain spikes, try naming instead of fixing.

• “Tightness is here.”

• “Heat is here.”

• “Fear is here.”

• “My mind is predicting again.”

You’re not judging it or pushing it away. You’re just noticing.

Often, that alone takes a little edge off.

3. Get specific with sensation

Pain can feel like it fills your whole body.

Try gently asking:

• Where does it start?

• Where does it end?

• Is it sharp, dull, buzzing, heavy?

  
  

Then spend a few seconds noticing a neutral area too. Your feet on the floor. Your hands resting.

Pain is part of your experience, not all of it.

4. The “three percent” softening

Scan your body slowly. Jaw. Shoulders. Belly. Hands.

At each place, ask: “Can this soften by three percent?”

Not completely. Just three.

Small softening still matters.

5. When fear is loud, lead with compassion

If your thoughts are spiraling, try one of these phrases:

• “Of course this feels scary.”

• “This is a hard moment.”

• “I can be gentle with myself here.”

  
  

You don’t need to believe it fully. Just offering it counts.

Bringing it back to that scraped knee

When I looked down and saw blood as a kid, the pain didn’t actually worsen.

My fear did.

Mindfulness gives us a way to notice when fear is driving, and sometimes, to gently take our hands back on the wheel.

Pain may be unavoidable.

Suffering, at least some of the time, is not.

A reflection

When pain shows up for you, what tends to amplify it most? Fear? Tension? Uncertainty? The story your mind tells?

If you’re navigating chronic illness or chronic pain and want support building these tools in a way that fits your real life and real energy, I offer a free Discovery Call. There’s no pressure, just space to talk and see what might help.

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And if today is a rough day, start small. One breath. One pause. That is enough.

Friendly note: This post is educational and not medical advice. If you have new, severe, or rapidly worsening pain, or symptoms that feel concerning, please seek medical care.